A committee should consist of three men, two of whom are absent.

Sir Herbert Beerbohm Tree

Gossip is the art of saying nothing in a way that leaves practically nothing unsaid.

Walter Winchell

Advice for the day: If you have a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle: Take two, and KEEP AWAY FROM CHILDREN.

Unknown

The first Presidential debate was down in Florida. Residents spent all day putting plywood on their televisions.

David Letterman

Dogs come when they're called; cats take a message and get back to you later.

Mary Bly