Comedy
website the American
Mustache Institute has just been nominated for
email disclaimer of the year 2008 by theVoiceofReason.com.
We
have always found those disclaimers at the bottom of emails
from banks and insurance companies to be far too stuffy
and legalese.
Well,
the American Mustache Institute wrote to us and the email
ended like this:
Disclaimer:
AMI supports healthy, performance enhancing-free mustaches
that contain no pesticides. Mustaches should be worn at
the individual's own risk, and AMI is not responsible
for mustaches that make men look like child molesters
or Dave Navarro. Wearing a "Dictator" mustache
may lead to repeated beatings. Mustaches should not be
worn by women who hope to find employment outside of waste
collection or who are looking for male companionship.
If your mustache causes you to have an erection for more
than four hours, seek immediate attention from a doctor,
spouse, girlfriend, or Dave Navarro. In extremely rare
cases, mustaches may cause significant decreases in sexual
activity, friendships, and approval by society at large.
Unibrows, commonly referred to as "forehead mustaches,"
are not recognized by AMI. AMI does not support chin coverage
(i.e. beards, goatees) as they represent the "spousal
compromise." The vast majority of mustache wearers
have highly positive responses from friends, exotic dancers
and grade school teachers. AMI strongly encourages consulting
a physician before exploring your personal mustache capabilities,
as premature mustache growth may lead to feelings of despair
and depression. AMI cautions against trusting clean-shaven
officers of the law. If a mustache-free constable attempts
to stop your vehicle, dial 911 and proceed to the nearest
police station, where a squadron of heavily mustached
officers will greet you with open arms. Please consider
the environment before shaving your mustache.
*This
was NOT sent from a Blackberry, as mustached Americans
don’t own, nor have the ability, to operate Blackberrys.
Today
we call on all banks and insurance companies to rewrite
their disclaimers so that they are better than the one above.
Have
you seen a disclaimer on an email better than the one above?
We want to hear about it. Perhaps you can write a better
one, send them all to editor@thevoiceofreason.com
