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Swiss Police Get Crack Roller-Skater Unit

From the country that brought us cuckoo clocks... now...

Zurich, Switzerland:

We have seen reports on the internet that the city has established a 34 strong police force, equipped with roller-skates.

The roller-skating police have replaced the more expensive horseback mounted patrols.

Cheaper than horses

It has been calculated that the force can cover their beat five times faster than using the method of walking.

Police director, Esther Maurer, told reporters:

"The police on skates are as much of a spectacle as the mounted police. They carry out more or less the same tasks, but are a lot cheaper to manage."

Critics of the new force have complained that a police officer on roller-skates can be pushed over too easily.

But unit head, Marcel Schaeffer, countered:

"If people want to do that to these officers then they had better be able to run very fast, because when we are back on our feet you won't be able to get away from us very easily."

The new skated-up force can remove their roller-skates quickly when necessary and have been trained how to run up and down flights of stairs.

It is not clear if the roller-skate police force will be armed. If they were to fire a gun while wearing skates they could be catapulted violently backwards according to our scientists...


8th August 2005.


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