Virgo - March 2014 - Funny Horoscope

It is written in the stars that your pet will choke violently on fish - ensure you are competent in the doggie equivalent of the Heimlich Maneuver; delay the laying of any new carpeting and ensure the lid on your tropical fish tank is locked shut at all times.

Your car will present some sort of dramatic orange-ball-of-flame-like problem this month, after the 12th, during refueling. Do not wash the car on the first two weekends of the month as you run the risk of becoming a victim of the latest skirmish in Sponge Wars 2014 between Uranus and Mars.

Try at least one new international food this month, but not Greek as this will indirectly lead to olive throwing type violence in a deli in Europe over the next six months, even if you do not live on that continent.


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Other Horoscopes for this month
Mar 20 - Apr 19
Apr 20 - May 19
May 20 - Jun 20
Jun 21 - Jul 21
Jul 22 - Aug 22
Aug 23 - Sept 21
Sept 22 - Oct 22
Oct 23 - Nov 21
Nov 22 - Dec 21
Dec 22 - Jan 19
Jan 20 - Feb 17
Feb 18 - Mar 19