Cancer - March 2014 - Funny Horoscope

A Scottish ancestor that you do not speak about in your family any more when talking at normal speaking volumes, could make a surprise appearance which will have devastating consequences for the well being of a dwarf tree in your garden or in a pot by your window. Ensure the tree is watered throughout the month and top up with phosphates as required.

A milky drink will give you one of the soundest nights of sleep you have ever known on the 24th, which will fill you with goodwill to man and a generous tip to a down and out street liver the day afterwards. Unfortunately the street liver will use this money to buy liquor and his damaged liver's only hope will be that he will be prevented from finishing the bottle by a sudden vicious beating by another street liver.


This feature is brought to you by

© 2000 onwards
Other Horoscopes for this month
Mar 20 - Apr 19
Apr 20 - May 19
May 20 - Jun 20
Jun 21 - Jul 21
Jul 22 - Aug 22
Aug 23 - Sept 21
Sept 22 - Oct 22
Oct 23 - Nov 21
Nov 22 - Dec 21
Dec 22 - Jan 19
Jan 20 - Feb 17
Feb 18 - Mar 19