Taurus - August 2013 - Funny Horoscope

An above average quantity of junk mail for gardening items is about to arrive through the post. Keep all of this junk mail, it will be valuable to post apocalypse junk mail collectors later in the century.

The foot massage machine you bought last month will malfunction, ripping the small toe from your right foot; ensure packs of ice are on hand around the 16th. At the first sound of tearing flesh, quickly pack the toe in ice and get someone to drive you quickly to the hospital where it can be re-affixed.

It is important that you keep your foot above your head to stem the bleeding at all times, even if you have to drive yourself to the hospital.

 

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