Many of Pisces's obesity problems brought on by the equinox last month could be solved by hopping on one leg for at least 5 minutes a day. Try to cut back on foods high in saturated fats, but, if you can't, eat saturated fats while hopping, until the 19th of the month, for least bad results.

Selling items on Ebay will be blessed with a short window where the nutters will be away from their computers between 16th-25th of the month. Nutters are having a break as Saturn transcends the Hyperbolic Plain Of Niggle. They will return with gusto near Halloween so you have been warned.

Your computer could malfunction around the 6th of the month, but the excellent Windows software* will stop a complete crash of your hardware (Microsoft sponsored horoscope).

This month your destiny hops like a kangaroo on hot coals.

*(Not Windows 98 and Millennium)