Cancer - March 2012 - Funny Horoscope

Slamming an opponent you had been holding on your shoulder hard down on his head in any cage fight is well starred this month. This could be an analogy.

Massaging, including that light hand chopping thing whatever it is called, is well starred especially with incense oils burning and Cat Stevens hits from the 1970s playing at a random volume in the background.

Beware Sasha Baron Cohen, who is filming a new movie near you. If he catches you the trick is to never ever ever sign a disclaimer to allow him to use footage of you in the movie - if he then uses the footage you can sue him and will end up probably owning his house by the end of the year even though you won't be able to afford to run it and you will inexorably fall into a drug and alcohol dependency problem and end up living on the streets within the next ten years.

This month your destiny is like a prize race horse in tip top condition out for a nice show day canter.

 

This feature is brought to you by theVoiceofReason.com

© theVoiceofReason.com 2000 onwards
 
Other Horoscopes for this month
Mar 20 - Apr 19
Apr 20 - May 19
May 20 - Jun 20
Jun 21 - Jul 21
Jul 22 - Aug 22
Aug 23 - Sept 21
Sept 22 - Oct 22
Oct 23 - Nov 21
Nov 22 - Dec 21
Dec 22 - Jan 19
Jan 20 - Feb 17
Feb 18 - Mar 19