You look fantastic, your breath smells as fresh as a freshly picked peppermint, your physique is super model in perfection, the sunsets are stunning, your apartment is the pick of the crop, there is always something good on the television to watch, even when you can find the time, what with all your similarly fantastic friends who want to be with you - that's your 2012 that is. Perfection has always seemed something that eluded you, not this year. You will soon realize what hell perfection is, but you brought it on yourself you minx.

You will watch a rerun of Airplane and be inspired by that old woman who can speak 1970's jive. Don't even think of trying that this year, or 2013, 2014 is looking good, we'll get back to you on that nearer the time, blood.

Your New Year resolution about getting a tattoo looks set, once again, this January, after a couple of years of second thoughts. Do it, don't do it, Jupiter, Neptune and Mercury couldn't care a fig.