Attempts at purchasing the accoutrements you believe are required for successful meditation will once again elude you in 2012, and in particular in January when your shopping trip for baggy orange clothing, incense, cymbals, beads, a book of Tibetan Chants, a false beard, and a straw mat, are doomed to failure.

Beware film crews from foreign countries this month, especially if you feel one of your rants coming on. The security services in your country could be informed of your troublesome nature, something you have managed to keep off their radar for the last 20 years by talking to people far too drunk to remember what you told them the next day.

Films or television series with subtitles continue to be lacklustrely starred especially if there is a dull hue or mist at any time other than first thing in the morning.

2012 will be the year when you fully appreciate what country music fans mean when they say "Yeehargh!"