February is shaping up to be one of the best times in recent months for any rough and tumble involving farm animals, or at least for the recovery afterwards. Bandages and band aids are particularly well starred, as is antiseptic ointment in all of its various colors, textures and applicators.

'A watched pot never boils' is just one of those old sayings you are determined to prove wrong again this month.

There is a 12.45% chance you will be able to find a t-shirt that fits you perfectly on Ebay this month, up from 12.3% last month - you must have lost / put on a bit of weight since Christmas. Well done / bad luck.

This month your destiny has a facial tick.