"Are you thinking what I'm thinking?", "It's a long shot but it might just work," and "You were only supposed to blow the bloody doors off" are your lucky movie phrases to slip into conversations this month.

You are about to invent an iPad killer device this month for half the price of an iPad. It's a gift from the planets who are becoming increasingly concerned at the power of Apple, and now Amazon with their new Kindle Fire tablet. There's no time to take that masters course in computer engineering, write your thoughts down on a piece of paper and write a quick email to the patent office - remember they close early on Fridays.

Your new aviator style jacket is about to confuse a passerby who may ask you aviation related questions that you have no idea the answer to. Watch Airplane again early in the month and make up your answer based on that, ensuring you don't miss the opportunity to say 'don't call me Shirley' if the opportunity arises.

This month your destiny is like a custard pie in the face thrown by Charlie Chaplin, you are undoubtedly in the presence of greatness but it is still as uncomfortable and sticky as you expected it to be.