It is now three months since you downloaded Garageband on your iPad, and still there's no inkling of that tune you intended composing. Hurry up, an unexpected, thankfully temporary, illness of an international singer-songwriter has opened up a gap in the lucrative pre Christmas market. If you start composing now it's possible your tune could be up on iTunes by 17th of December.

"Toodle Pip", "That's my name don't wear it out" and "You're a cool cool cat, purrrrr" should not be used at all again this month even if they do let you back in that retro 1950's themed pub.

Your destiny is like a Greek haircut, either an actual haircut or the bond write down thingie that's been in the papers.