Aries - May 2011 - Funny Horoscope

Hesitation is a natural family reaction which, in times past, has happily caused your forefathers to not die in certain circumstances. Congratulations for them. Times change, however, and your continued hesitation this month on something could lead to some sort of problem - We're seeing broken windows, screaming old people and a dog walking on its hind legs as if dancing. Does that make any sense to you? Jupiter seems to think it does.

Beware all William's and Kate's until well into the first cock crow of the third week of the month, especially if they serve you in any restaurant with burgers on the menu.

Ask for the birth certificate of anyone you have business dealings with, local politicians, and pizza delivery guys as birtherism sweeps the capitalist world like Donald Trump's hair caught in a gust of wind.

This month your destiny holds the keys to the secret door of hope.


This feature is brought to you by

© 2000 onwards
Other Horoscopes for this month
Mar 20 - Apr 19
Apr 20 - May 19
May 20 - Jun 20
Jun 21 - Jul 21
Jul 22 - Aug 22
Aug 23 - Sept 21
Sept 22 - Oct 22
Oct 23 - Nov 21
Nov 22 - Dec 21
Dec 22 - Jan 19
Jan 20 - Feb 17
Feb 18 - Mar 19