'Are you ready for the next step in your life?' 'There's no i in team' and 'Start your journey by pressing the Go button', are all motivational thoughts a self professed guru is likely to offer you this month in some misguided attempt at reassuring you. Jupiter says don't listen.

Jupiter is about to take you under her wing.

Knowing how to read Jupiter's messages are about to include:

• Messages sent by changes in pictures above the fireplace,
• Things children under 4 say to you
• Important messages being sent to you by people waving and mouthing words behind news reporters talking straight to camera, especially on the 6 O'clock news on Thursdays.

This month your destiny is long overdue a haircut.