Aquarius - July 2011 - Funny Horoscope

Saturn recommends the advice of butchers over fishmongers if looking for insight in areas not relating to their own area of specialization this month, particularly on Tuesdays, Wednesdays, and the second and fifth Friday of the month.

Your attempt to get rid of bags under your eyes will only be successful using a ceremony of sacrifice in which you must offer recently dead virgin bodies of a wasp, marsh gnat and housefly to the planet Neptune as it reaches its zenith on the stroke of midnight Sunday. (Then use hemroid cream and sleep as much as you can afterwards while still moist from your ceremonial exertions.)

Thunder and lightening is about to prove lucky after a foe, or someone plotting against you, is blasted in the head in an eerie Exorcist film type way.

This month your destiny asks for a lift like an invisible hitch hiker.

 

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Other Horoscopes for this month
Mar 20 - Apr 19
Apr 20 - May 19
May 20 - Jun 20
Jun 21 - Jul 21
Jul 22 - Aug 22
Aug 23 - Sept 21
Sept 22 - Oct 22
Oct 23 - Nov 21
Nov 22 - Dec 21
Dec 22 - Jan 19
Jan 20 - Feb 17
Feb 18 - Mar 19