Drinking to excess and being thrown off a plane are your lucky 'the authorities are on their way' activities this month.

Your new year pledge to try new meats will be aided by Jupiter this month as Koala Bear, Egyptian goat and chicken that died of a natural heart attack, become available in your area following some sort of accident.

In any reality tv show you are taking part in tend towards the Lazy Tool end of the scale rather than Point Jumping Tool.

Conversations concerning the current state in Egypt should be avoided unless you can at least point to where your local Egyptian restaurant is on the map; walking like an Egyptian is not enough.

This month your destiny wears the frown of a tv comedy writer whose joke is refused.