Aries - August 2011 - Funny Horoscope

Jack Gyllenhaal continues to be your lucky Hollywood megastar this month, especially when you are trekking through cold glacial climes when you need to take off your top to walk through freezing water in howling cold gales and there isn't a television crew around to film it all. Machismo like that is rare, rarer still when there isn't any money to be made out of it.

Your long held dream of tightrope-walking across the Niagara is coming a step closer this month as the authorities come under the influence of a daredevil Jupiter looking to make it legal for people to fall to their watery deaths. However, if you name hasn't been on the list since 1974 it might take a bit of waiting.

Beware small difficult to control mouth vomits around 1pm on the 18th of the month.

This month your destiny is like the color green.

 

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Other Horoscopes for this month
Mar 20 - Apr 19
Apr 20 - May 19
May 20 - Jun 20
Jun 21 - Jul 21
Jul 22 - Aug 22
Aug 23 - Sept 21
Sept 22 - Oct 22
Oct 23 - Nov 21
Nov 22 - Dec 21
Dec 22 - Jan 19
Jan 20 - Feb 17
Feb 18 - Mar 19