You still haven't fully come to terms with the realization that over 45% of world internet downtime is down to you and your Leo accomplices. Meditate, seek counseling, but whatever you do, and for the love of all that is holy in this world, stop pressing F6 when you are browsing the internet.

Practice an impersonation for emergency social situations this month, advises Saturn. Saturn suggests Barack Obama smoking, Sarah Palin reading a newspaper, Charlie Sheen drinking a bottle of Tiger Blood or Ben Stiller looking like a rabbit caught in the headlights.

Magic card tricks involving the 9 of diamonds are well starred.

Avoid fountains, waterfalls and inflatable swimming pools in your backyard, unless you are suitably dressed or have taken appropriate precautions in your underwear choices as the feeling of "Mmmmhhhh, gotta jump in it looks lovely and wet" will increase five fold until dawn of the 29th.

This month your destiny wears the frown of a Japanese Nuclear Safety Officer.