Cancer - May 2010 - Funny Horoscope

Bats, birds, bulls, and pissy goats that need milking are all well starred, especially at weekends, as Pluto slowly gesticulates up and down.

What you need right now is a period of blind faith and what looks like cherries, as Saturn and Neptune become aligned on your chart that is becoming increasingly difficult to read.

Intolerance, cruelty and running your car into people are all more badly starred than usual, especially on the 18th and 20th of the month.

If you are going on holiday in August this year, now is the time to start your beach diet so that you don't look all wobbly in your swimming costume, and if your aim is to look like Jersey Shore's The Situation this year you should have started working out 7 years ago.

Your destiny is like a small fish ambitiously aiming to move up the food chain in the next five years.

 

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Other Horoscopes for this month
Mar 20 - Apr 19
Apr 20 - May 19
May 20 - Jun 20
Jun 21 - Jul 21
Jul 22 - Aug 22
Aug 23 - Sept 21
Sept 22 - Oct 22
Oct 23 - Nov 21
Nov 22 - Dec 21
Dec 22 - Jan 19
Jan 20 - Feb 17
Feb 18 - Mar 19