'Cheer up you grumpy old goat!', 'A smile won't crack your face you miserable old xxxt!', 'Chin up me old china,' and 'No, thank you, I've had three already,' are all phrases set to pepper March in a variety of ways.

Saturn is in disagreement with Neptune this month over your shopping habits. Neptune favors the internet, Saturn likes all the tactile joys of shopping in person. The two will fight it out this month in a constantly too-and-fro scuffle that may only be decided when you lose your credit card.

Slicing vegetables back and forth, is preferable to left and right this month with a finger cut warning in place for more days than not this month.

During March, your destiny is like a sneeze into your hands without the tissue.