A New Year's resolution is about to take on all of the characteristics of a cult organisation, including the complicated hierarchy and names of leaders including titles such as 'The Great' and 'The Omnipotent'.

Chants involving the holding of low tones for up to five minutes are starred well in most situations, but not in shower rooms and public rest rooms or public toilets for the opposite sex (it's a long story and if we had an 0898 number at this point you could rest assured we would put the details on there.)

This month your destiny has the ambitions of a contestant in the early stages of American Idol, but without the talent: Cry / don't cry you still ain't going any further.