What can only be described as a small hilarious domestic riot involving you and one other will be secretly videoed and put up on YouTube this month. Take control of the situation with visits to loved ones, neighbors and the producers of Ellen, offering flowers or boxes of expensive chocolates.

Games of Monopoly are the most badly starred in history this month when played with members of your family. The game is rarely well starred with family members but this month the game comes with a warning close to red on the terror scale.

Singing, dancing and canoodling with work colleagues is well starred especially when fully clothed and after hearty lunches of pies and pickles.

This month your destiny wears the headband of an unmuscled untrained Rambo type.