Your enduring confidence that 45rpm records will one day make a comeback will be knocked once more this month, as Saturn attempts to face slap you to your senses from afar.

Traffic cones, especially orange ones with white stripes, are badly starred especially if flying in through the air from the east. Refrain from putting your windscreen washers on during any cone based storm, a common driving error.

Distortion when you sing into a microphone in a talent competition is not being helped by a sound engineer under the influence of Jupiter who you have wronged in some way. Take this as a life lesson to get on with the little people: Remember that sometimes the planets will help you out, sometimes you deserve a kicking, sometimes you are just singing too close to the microphone.

This month your destiny has Skunk Flu.