Euphemisms and exclamations especially 'Boink', 'Shag', 'Phwor!' and 'Oh me oh my', are all averagely starred at low volumes, but shouted at higher volumes Mars is on side applauding from afar.

Playing the bottles - that is taking a spoon and banging bottles and condiments on the dinner table - is better starred today than when you first came across this activity when you were 8. Tap carefully, my friends, and make your beautiful tappy music with care.

Mysticism, especially when accompanied by wizarding hats and witchy broomsticks, are well starred as the clock strikes midnight, but before and after that you really should watch out.

This month your destiny is reading the new Dan Brown, and very good it is too.