Virgo - May 2009 - Funny Horoscope

During ups and downs this month, favour the ups by 5 to 1. In particular, avoid the exhalation 'Weee-eeeeeee' in any up, and particularly down, slides, falls or slips.

Polar bears and penguins, yes we know they live on different continents, are both absolutely terribly starred. Avoid both at the risk of icy, watery, funny outtake grade, conclusions.

Neptune has a plan to put on a musical to raise money for the local youth group. Don't get involved - run away and don't come back until the fat lady with the heavy eyebrows has sung and it's been on the news or YouTube whichever happens first.

An eating or drinking competition may provide extreme toilet based excitement in an otherwise humdrum month.

This month your destiny has a 9% chance of pulling through.

 

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Other Horoscopes for this month
Mar 20 - Apr 19
Apr 20 - May 19
May 20 - Jun 20
Jun 21 - Jul 21
Jul 22 - Aug 22
Aug 23 - Sept 21
Sept 22 - Oct 22
Oct 23 - Nov 21
Nov 22 - Dec 21
Dec 22 - Jan 19
Jan 20 - Feb 17
Feb 18 - Mar 19