Aries - May 2009 - Funny Horoscope

Form filling, making tea, and clipping coupons from newspapers - but not magazines - are all well starred this month. Hammering nails are mediumly starred. Everything else is poorly to dangerously starred.

Dangerous sports should be avoided, along with any sports that you play dangerously.

Throwing dices (we know the plural of dice is die but it would sound eerie considering what we are about to expound) are hideously badly starred to such a point that were the World Health Organisation, or even the rock group The Who for that matter, not busy on other panics at the moment, they would be creating a panic about Aries throwing dices. Yes, we are talking death. Yes, injury. Yes, eerie sounds and people tapping you on the shoulder when you are not expecting it to scare the willies out of you...

This month centipedes and millepedes have a message from Mars for you, but how can you possibly understand? Don't look at me, try Googling it.


This feature is brought to you by

© 2000 onwards
Other Horoscopes for this month
Mar 20 - Apr 19
Apr 20 - May 19
May 20 - Jun 20
Jun 21 - Jul 21
Jul 22 - Aug 22
Aug 23 - Sept 21
Sept 22 - Oct 22
Oct 23 - Nov 21
Nov 22 - Dec 21
Dec 22 - Jan 19
Jan 20 - Feb 17
Feb 18 - Mar 19