Saturn is determined that you and your family hear all the expletive deleted words from MTV tunes this month. Why Saturn has it in for you like this is uncertain. Offer a sacrifice of a giant chocolate chip cookie to Saturn, along with a glass of milk to Neptune on the 6th to see what happens. If the planets do not accept your offer, consume the items yourself before the milk gets warm, and begin work on another plan.

Caravaggio, pizza, and chips are all well starred this month, especially in Rome, Italy, and Venice, Nebraska. Avoid the fish in Florence, Italy/California/Mexico, until the 18th when Saturn is set to hide the croutons out of reach.

This month your destiny is apt to illusory manias. Invite the half goat half old lady in for tea.