Cancer - March 2009 - Funny Horoscope

A small old gray haired lady on a bicycle is dinging her bell at you as she approaches slowly from behind. She is approaching on a sidewalk, or path, and either you move or she will plough into you in slow motion. (The folks in a local old peoples home have discovered the joys of happy slapping* and they are experimenting with this as a method of attack.)

Whilst perhaps not accurate to every single detail, this happy slapping analogy is the best way of explaining the attitude to Jupiter and Saturn to all Cancerians this month. Be on your guard, but danger is literally everywhere. Those Cancerians who already fear the sound of dinging bells could well choose to spend more time in bed.

There is some good news waiting for you in the form of a Buffalo. Perhaps you know what we are talking about, perhaps not. Mars may have a plan that might just work.

The cutting of a knife back and forth will provide moments of joy around the 6th, perhaps during or after a luncheon or meal.

(*Happy slapping is when people assault others and film it on their cellphones to put up on the web.)


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Other Horoscopes for this month
Mar 20 - Apr 19
Apr 20 - May 19
May 20 - Jun 20
Jun 21 - Jul 21
Jul 22 - Aug 22
Aug 23 - Sept 21
Sept 22 - Oct 22
Oct 23 - Nov 21
Nov 22 - Dec 21
Dec 22 - Jan 19
Jan 20 - Feb 17
Feb 18 - Mar 19