Cancer - February 2009 - Funny Horoscope

Gladiatorial combat is highly starred this month, either in the sword-and-sandles bashing up another person sense or just the watching it on television sense. In either sense, probably best to avoid starchy foods which will only slow you down, or make you want to go to the toilet at the most inconvenient of moments.

You have always distrusted horoscopes after your parents schemed to give you the medical nightmare star sign that is Cancer. Jupiter agrees, but what to do?

Never underestimate the power of slow monotonal chanting in monk type attire. There is a strangely understated violence to the practice that even Jack Bauer would be intimidated by.

This month your destiny will be determined by the outcome of a small eruption on Neptune's crust.

 

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Other Horoscopes for this month
Mar 20 - Apr 19
Apr 20 - May 19
May 20 - Jun 20
Jun 21 - Jul 21
Jul 22 - Aug 22
Aug 23 - Sept 21
Sept 22 - Oct 22
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Dec 22 - Jan 19
Jan 20 - Feb 17
Feb 18 - Mar 19