Virgo - December 2009 - Funny Horoscope

Prunes are well starred again this month, but not plums in any health food pursuits. This prunes vs plums debate is based on the gyrations of Saturn and may finally be solved this month if Jupiter and Mercury can settle their differences. Health food nuts have been banging their heads against brick walls for years over this strangeness: what happens to a dried up plum to make it healthy, and yet the plum is never in any health food charts? Nobody knows, the answer lies in the planets.

Custard sauces under 50% of the average yellow of an average free range egg, are well starred - anything outside this range and the outlook is either too milky or too chewy, according to Saturn who is taking a Gordon Ramsay correspondence course at the moment.

'Ping pong' is averagely starred all December especially forward and backward strokes; foot shuffles of all styles are poorly starred until the cock crows at dawn on the 18th.

This month your destiny is in charge of a small battalion of chefs all of whom have graduated from the Gordon Ramsay 'How To Swear Like A Trooper' school.

 

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Other Horoscopes for this month
Mar 20 - Apr 19
Apr 20 - May 19
May 20 - Jun 20
Jun 21 - Jul 21
Jul 22 - Aug 22
Aug 23 - Sept 21
Sept 22 - Oct 22
Oct 23 - Nov 21
Nov 22 - Dec 21
Dec 22 - Jan 19
Jan 20 - Feb 17
Feb 18 - Mar 19