Cancer - December 2009 - Funny Horoscope

Activities with reindeers and obese white haired unshaven men in red and white outfits are magically starred until about 10 am on the 25th of the month, then it's back to usual for the annoyingly laugh-at-everything jerk who smells of liquor and always has mince pie crumbs in his beard.

Vigorous political discussions with family members when you are so drunk you can hardly move are much better-ly starred than the exact same discussions when you are able to adopt a more aggressive stance especially if you know even a smidgen of a martial art, or even saw UFC once.

Hand cranking old motor vehicles, or winding up vintage wind-up toys, or radios, is ok-lyee starred, although there is a 5% chance of a violent over wind on the 8th-19th that may cause an explosion or at least smoke (95% of the time all you will get is a death-like do-nothingness and a key so tight you could use it to crack open walnuts).

This month your destiny has a multimedia dimension but without the ability to click away...

 

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Other Horoscopes for this month
Mar 20 - Apr 19
Apr 20 - May 19
May 20 - Jun 20
Jun 21 - Jul 21
Jul 22 - Aug 22
Aug 23 - Sept 21
Sept 22 - Oct 22
Oct 23 - Nov 21
Nov 22 - Dec 21
Dec 22 - Jan 19
Jan 20 - Feb 17
Feb 18 - Mar 19