Cancer - December 2009 - Funny Horoscope

Activities with reindeers and obese white haired unshaven men in red and white outfits are magically starred until about 10 am on the 25th of the month, then it's back to usual for the annoyingly laugh-at-everything jerk who smells of liquor and always has mince pie crumbs in his beard.

Vigorous political discussions with family members when you are so drunk you can hardly move are much better-ly starred than the exact same discussions when you are able to adopt a more aggressive stance especially if you know even a smidgen of a martial art, or even saw UFC once.

Hand cranking old motor vehicles, or winding up vintage wind-up toys, or radios, is ok-lyee starred, although there is a 5% chance of a violent over wind on the 8th-19th that may cause an explosion or at least smoke (95% of the time all you will get is a death-like do-nothingness and a key so tight you could use it to crack open walnuts).

This month your destiny has a multimedia dimension but without the ability to click away...


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Mar 20 - Apr 19
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