Aries - December 2009 - Funny Horoscope

Mistletoe, but not the berries, are well starred in any lip, tongue or nose touching endeavors this month. (The optimal hanging height in any kissing based festive intrigue is 6ft 9 unless your aunt is still seeing that professional basketball player in which the height is 3 ft higher.)

Talking, jabbering, telling laugh-out-loud jokes, homely anecdotes involving fish, baking, or trips to any of Disney's theme parks, are erratically starred up to the 9th, and then spectacularly well starred for the rest of the month, as Jupiter diverts its attention away from you and starts to plan general mayhem for the new year.

Your favored television routine is set to be decimated by the christmas schedules once again, from the 23rd onwards, and any complaints will automatically be disregarded by anyone who hears you as a typically Bah Humbuggy Arisean complaint.

This month your destiny is angry for most of the time.

 

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Other Horoscopes for this month
Mar 20 - Apr 19
Apr 20 - May 19
May 20 - Jun 20
Jun 21 - Jul 21
Jul 22 - Aug 22
Aug 23 - Sept 21
Sept 22 - Oct 22
Oct 23 - Nov 21
Nov 22 - Dec 21
Dec 22 - Jan 19
Jan 20 - Feb 17
Feb 18 - Mar 19