Irritation and irritants are the watchwords throughout your Gemininian April. Mohair, itchy moustaches and greasy food will all collide on your celestial irritation chart to provoke you into action...

Smashing your fist on glass tables not hard enough to go through them, slamming doors just enough so that they bang but don't fall off the wall hinges, and screaming at the top of your voice but without scaring small children or babies, are in prospect.

This month you are at a 5% chance of being slapped in the face with a wet fish for some reason or other.

Your destiny wears the tight shorts of an overeager teenage cheerleader.