The set of rules on which you have based your life are set to implode all-of-a-sudden this month leaving you looking for a new religion or even gym membership.

There is nothing that can be done to wipe the red wine stain from a carpet after a completely unavoidable accident on the 6th. That frequently misheard old wives tale that says 'more red wine rubbed into spilt red wine will take the stain away' is as wrong now as it ever was, and, now that you have rubbed the wine in even more, the stain will forever sit there niggling at you. Take this as a lesson in life and refuse to give red wine any respect when drinking it, especially when dining with French or Spanish wine connoisseurs.

You will have a curious moment of dejavu on hearing a joke on a late night chat show around the 14th.