An ointment you have been applying diligently for the past month is set to stop working all of a sudden after Saturn and Neptune have a violent falling out. Ignore the protestations of your doctor, pharmacist or other health professionals, preferring the health advice from unqualified mystics and star gazers such as ourselves.

Grated cheese may be the only answer to a question posed by Uranus this month. Your eating habits must change, but how?

Avoid all eye contact until further notice as this can only be misconstrued wrongly until Pluto gets out of its current celestial funk on the 17th.

This month your destiny wears the kaftan of an aging beauty.