The dispute between Mercury and Mars continues, dooming you to ever more exotic cookery. (Note: the Zimbabwean bean cake you attempted was not cooked for its optimal time and was, as your thought at the time, far too crunchy.)

A local be-hooded hoodlum will be impressed by your driving skills on 15th whilst you are speed-parking your car at the supermarket. He may attempt to make eye-contact. Take this opportunity to make a difference to this young punk's life, although don't let him valet park your car until the Yak yawns at the moon after the 21st.

A spider's nest you find in your basement after 18th will be of interest to a documentary maker with the letter P in his name. If you cannot make contact with him by 27th of the month, however, destroy the nest using a broom and anti-spider powder with the letter S in its name.