A self-help book, which you bought the last time you thought you needed help, is set to assume a pivotal importance this month. Luckily, you bought the hard back version which will prevent flooding in your bathroom when you 'shove it in hard' to a hole that appears all of a sudden.

A game of touch football will have lasting repercussions on the 16th. Your version of the game will later be renamed 'slap football' and one day is set to become as popular as the Ultimate Fighting Championship.

An alarm clock which has been trusted for years will start to become inaccurate around the 21st. A rare celestial conjugation between Mercury and Uranus (technically known as a Myanus) will add two hours to your alarm clock wakey-time and the sleep timer could double in duration for each press. Luckily your boss is the same star sign as you and your tardiness will go unnoticed.