You will be asked by a Broadway director to play the lead in Fiddler on the Roof due, solely, to your bushy beard. You will accept the role, rehearse well, but at the last minute you will decide not to turn up.

Nothing other than sugar will be able to console you after the death of a favourite soap star this month. Eat chocolate until you put on 25 lbs or more, or your ankles swell up so that your shoes no longer fit.

An eruption, an earthquake or possibly just a broken dish will increase the amount of uncertainty to 'nicely pleasant' this month. Ensure you are only 10 steps away from a door at any time especially during the period of siesta.