After the 20th you will have an irrational urge to roast chestnuts on an open fire. This is perfectly normal for the time of year, however, if Jack Frost is also nipping at your nose check you have not slipped into a Star Trek Generations type parallel universe by violently squeezing tree located baubles in department stores.

Knock twice on all doors after 10th as you are at risk of a disturbing occurrence involving a man with a white beard trying to pull his sack over a shoulder.

Your attempts at shaving on the 7th will be fraught with difficulties whilst Jupiter transgresses a nipitent plane.