A dream involving cartoon character Droopy, a carrot on a stick and a box of Acme Cement is not likely to be made clear to you this month, despite your desperate calls to a night time radio chat show.

Stigmata is well starred this month, to coincide with the media silly season. Ensure that you place a bucket under any religious artifact to catch any blood, milk or goo from the 12th. There is also a 10% chance of a cow-like ornament producing up to three pints of milk on the 19th. Whatever you do just quietly clean it all up and do not inform the media.

This month the stars insist that you hum 'Always look on the bright side of life.' (There are dance steps to this song, it is not essential that you learn them.)