A cold or cough, which will sweep through your family this month, will remind you of the fragility of life's strange order, and that you are out of man-sized tissue. Your preferred supermarket will have an attractively priced two for the price of one deal from the 8th.

A small, bemused, wild chicken will wander into your kitchen around 10th-24th looking for shelter.

This month your lucky fruit is a pineapple. Your lucky exotic paradise resort is the Copacabana. Drink Pina Colada's until you remember none of the dance moves you are attempting.