A stunt involving a tea bag or still-warm coffee grounds will have the opposite effect intended at breakfast time on the 12th. Consult stain removal texts only from fellow Ariesians with urgency.

A happy-go-lucky colleague from work is set to bring you grief this month, peppered, as always, by a moment or two of genuine belly laughing hilarity. A reference to water should be taken as a sign that harm is just around the corner.

In order to stop a hurricane on the other side of the world it is important that you immediately swot all butterflies and moths after the 9th.