Your keenness for doing 'wheelies' on your bicycle will do you no good at all this month...

While wheelie-ing down to the shops around the 18th you will be photographed by a traffic camera going through a red traffic light, and, when coming back, you will leave a trail of sugar from a punctured bag - this will attract cats from the neighborhood who will, while trying to eat the sugar, cause a ten car pile up and the death of two people, one of them a child of a Nobel peace prize winning scientist whose great great great great grandson invents time travel and will come back to sort it all out in what is seemingly, to you, an instant. Ensure your insurance cover is up to date just in case the flux capacitor breaks again.

Avoid slapping anyone's ass on 20th for fear that this could be misconstrued in the exact opposite way you intended it to be.