Ken Russell's adaptation of DH Lawrence's novel. It follows the lives of two men and two sisters in 1920's English high society. Gerald Crich (Oliver Reed) is involved in a loveless relationship with Gudrun Brangwen (Glenda Jackson) whom he almost kills when he finds her playing around with a homosexual acquaintance in Switzerland. But is he capable of love with a woman? Or is he (EEEEEeeekkkk!!!) gay???

His friend, Rupert Birkin (Alan Bates), is happily engaged with Ursula Brangwen (Jennie Linden), but loves Gerald too.

"I'm not surprised this movie is remembered solely for the naked mano-mano wrestling by the fireside, as it is one of the most boring movies I have seen in a long while."

"The wrestly-bout brightened up my movietertainment experience considerably, even though I had to endure wobbly willies on the big screen which is something I normally avoid."

"Now that Alan Bates and Oliver Reed are dead, it is time to say who had the biggest willy. Reed wins hands down in our books. Bravisimo! A gargantuan penis! His willy will shut the critics up or nothing will!"

"Whilst the naked wrestling by the fireside is divine, the facial beards detract from the homoerotica somewhat. Call me old fashioned, but it's just moustaches for me, or it just doesn't work my dear... when I kiss a man on the lips I don't want it to feel like I'm kissing a donkey's arse..."

"In Argentina they edited the naked wrestling bit and the way they did it made it look like our hairy heroes had just had sex together. A joy from chest slap to buttock kneed!"

"God, if homosexuality was this boring it would have died out years ago."

"Two men in love with each other with women at their sides! A great short, but a terribly boring long story, although the Swiss mountains look peachy at this time of year!"

By the end of the movie, Gerald and Gudrun have separated. Gerald does not love Gudrun and almost kills her in the Swiss snow. Ursula and Rupert end the movie discussing his love of Gerald: She tells him that 'you can't have two kinds of love.' He tells her he doesn't believe that.

In the bollock naked position of slap butt nakedness... Jump up and down to make sure everything is wobbling correctly. BEGIN! CHARGE!

Can a man love a man? Love a woman? Love a woman and a man? Love a dog? Love a car? These are the issues wrestled over by Lawrence in this long and tortuous movie. (The answers are Yes to all the above if you didn't know.) If we can say that in just a sentence why oh why oh why couldn't he - was he being paid by the word?

This movie shocked polite gentlefolk of the late 1960's when it came out (yes, the movie as well as the willy's). It was the first time naked man-on-man wrestling had ever been seen on the big screen in the UK.

The wrestling match is all a bit too slappy in places, for us, and there is a terrible moment when Rupert grabs Gerald by the pecs and is prized tortuously away. There are a few nice runs and grabs however, and the slapping sound is nicely done. The whole scene has a nice, warmly lit, feeling to it. Once seen you will never forget it.

Dogs will love the naked wrestling, especially if they have never seen a human penis before. There is the normal dog willy in a movie warning here - ie never shout fetch - but even so, most dogs will watch with ears standing up (possibly with tongue out) in anticipation of an interesting nose stuck in the groin in prospect.

Cats are great fans of pubic hair in all of its forms, and will watch, enraptured, during the naked wrestling.

Medium to small snakes will enjoy this movie, larger snakes will get bored.

Slap your opponent's chest in the middle, then step backwards, bouncing up and down on the tips of your toes...

An invisible wrestling trunks and mask set.

Three.

There is a fair amount of male-on-women sex, some of which gets a bit hard-core at times. No male-on-male sex though.

A tortuously long, boring, movie. But you have to see the naked wrestling bits just for your general education.

Glenda Jackson is absolutely brilliant, as always, however we lost the will to live in the last half hour of the movie.

If you want to go straight to the wrestling scene it is virtually slap bang in the middle of the movie (about 1 hour in).

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January 22, 2004