Studio executives summary / pitch
|
| Car
driving, kung fu, shirt off and in-syrup fighting bedlam in France and BMWs. |
Short plot
summary |
|
Frank Martin
(Jason Statham) is The Transporter - a cool driver guy who lives by a set of rules.
Unfortunately he breaks those rules within 20 minutes of the movie starting by
opening a body bag in the back of his car to find Lai (Qi Shu) - he allows her
a drink and it looks like a love affair is about to start. |
What our
panel of critics thought |
"Not as big
chested as Vin Diesel, but what Jason Statham lacks in width he makes up for in
mule kickage, and bitch slappage.""All
a load of old nonsense, however it is a very pleasant movie to watch. Lots of
humor and no tattoos to speak of. A joy.""Cool.
Wizzy. Kerpow, and yet soft'n'sexy in the nice Nice sun. A South of France triumph
of cartertainment.""XXX
meets Fast and the Furious, sautéed in a James Bond vinaigrette, roasted
in a Columbo flame, with a pinch of Clouseau. Apart from that completely original.""That
girl-on-a-rope, going for a pee, bit, was my favorite moment in the whole movie
- I have seen a very funny Candid Camera where they did this: they waited for
the woman to start peeing and then they would pull her back in. Hysterical. Unfortunately
this movie does not try such a comedy highlight, a wasted urinatunity.""Lia
is terribly screamy. It is such a shame our hero removes the duct tape so early
on in the movie.""One
of the worst American accents in a while from a Brit, but on listening to the
DVD it was supposed to be this bad. Hmm!" |
Please
tell me the ending or whole plot if necessary
|
| All
the baddies are killed, but it's a close run thing. Our hero has to survive rocket
launchers on his home, exploding brief cases and shirt off wrestle-fu in brown
syrup. Lia,
who initially turns on our hero, comes good in the end by shooting her Daddy just
in the nick of time (he has been involved in an illegal China person smuggling
racket). |
Quotable quotes (real) |
|
"We
have a saying in France: Nobody believes the cook." "He
was a bastard but he was still my father." "You
are always complaining, except when we make love when you say nothing." |
What snack
should I eat/drink while watching this movie? |
Anything
you can eat with one hand, as if driving a car fast down narrow streets hoping
to gawd no kids are playing soccer down one of the narrow roads... |
If I were
to watch this at home how best should I sit? |
| In
the position of 'gawd I hope nobody opens a door down this narrow French road
or else my driving skills wont amount to a pinch of salt'. |
Is there
enough licky love in this film? |
|
A brief moment
of lip smacking, nothing slow motioney or mellowly back lit. One moment of on
table top lust but this is cut quickly as it was presumably too uncomfortable
for the actors. |
Honestly now, how good is Jason Stathan's American accent? |
| Jason
Statham is a cockney boy (London, England) see Lock
Stock and Two Smoking Barrels and Snatch.
The accent sounds a cross between 'American' and a southern England accent and
apparently that was intended according to the DVD commentary. We like Jason so
we believe him. |
Does this
film stand up to rigorous reality testing? |
Non.
Zis movie makes leettle sense. Zere
is a continuity error - Lai has a hole made in her duct tape mouth gag so she
can have a drink through a straw. She is then zipped up again but next time we
see her the hole is filled up. The
fights are all slappy-kung fu and not realistic at all, but they are well filmed
and edited to perfection. |
Could
you work out while watching this movie?
|
| Bares
comparison to XXX, but has much more wit and is more brightly lit. The setting
(the South of France) is very warm and inviting. It is, most of the time, a very
sexy picture to look at and it has a lively soundtrack which mostly makes up for
the fact that, even with odds of 10 to 1 against, you never feel our hero will
be duffed in. |
What
can I take from this movie to make me a better person? |
| If
you want to learn to fight like this, just get some empty chip (crisp) packets,
blow them up and practice the hits on them. |
Other comments
|
A mindless actioner
with superb scenery, lighting and some nice jokes. This movie is really pleasing
on the eyes and ears. Not a mind movie, which is why it has been put in the popcorn
strand, but still a really good waste of an hour forty. |
Date
of review |
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