Studio executives summary / pitch
|
| Lots
of youthful flesh on offer in Beach based horror type back packer fest. If you
hate students/underachievers you'll love watching them get slaughtered at the
end. |
Short plot
summary |
|
Leonardo
diCaprio plays Richard, an American backpacker in Thailand (no jokes about Phucket
anywhere - are they playing for laughs or not?) He is given a map by a loud Scot
and finds the island with two French friends. It is all idyllic, and then... |
Rating |
| 15.
Contains moments of part nakedness, upper arm female nudity, graphic scenes of
licky lust in tents. Death by shark. French people. |
What our
panel of critics thought |
|
"Doesn't
really make much sense, why would the Thai gangsters ever allow The Beach to exist
in the first place?" "Horror
in paradise. The movie is in dire need of Bob Hope or Bing Crosby, or any late
1940's style crooner, if you ask me young man." "Nothing
but an excuse for young things to run about with not much on. Baywatch fans will
enjoy, although big wobbly boob lovers will be disappointed." "An
OK film. I didn't exactly care much about any of the characters." "Redemption
song cheered me up no end after that bloody shark induced jaw fest." "Both
nice and nasty all rolled up into an easy to market package. I could care less
about this movie, but put my name down for a screen saver..." |
Please
tell me the ending.
|
| The
Thai drug growers who control the druggie bits of the island, and allow the Beach
to exist, act following an increasingly 'surfer dude' type of visitor to the beach... But
don't fear, Leonardo's character lives on to enjoy internet cafe heaven at the
end of the movie. |
Quotable quotes (real) |
| "Aarrrrrrrrggggggghhhhhhhh!
Shark!" |
What snack should I eat while watching this movie? |
| Chewy
Aboriginal caterpillar with steak sauce. |
If I were
to watch this at home how best should I sit? |
| In
the treading water on land position, either on your side or back. |
Could this
movie be improved with more surfer dudes? |
| The
two surfer dudes are necessary for the plot and are satisfying, and yet do not
challenge, their generic type.
The Beach itself is surprisingly European for an American movie, with discussions
on Soccer (called football in Europe). However it is a very polished 2 dimensional
island, picture postcard at best. |
Estimate number of deaths in this movie. |
|
60%
of the characters do not make it to the end credits. |
How much
would you pay for a copy of this movie in goods? |
| A
golden posing pouch for your six pack, Sir. |
Would this
movie win awards for swimming? |
|
A remarkable amount of swimming in this movie. This time (as opposed to Titanic)
Leonardo manages to stay afloat, surviving to the end without turning blue. |
Does the
film attempt internet technobabble? If so, does this succeed? |
| An
awful moment of internet technobabble at the end where Richard, in an internet
cafe, gets an email from Francois - the picture reveals itself and then a hand
inscribed signature sweeps across the screen... weeee... |
Other comments
|
|
This movie is
from a debut novel which remarkably (we don't read that much) we read at the time
of its release. The book is quite a good page turner and the movie captures the
spirit of the book, although, if memory serves, a couple of the characters have
been merged. Not
a great movie, but stylish in places. For those who have never gone backpacking
it offers an insight into the spirit of that form of travel. The novel was promoted
as the first backpacker novel of its type, certainly the subject matter is an
interesting one and we wish it well. |
Date
of review |
|
February 17th
2003 |