Convoluted plot which allows the two most popular captains of the Enterprise to meet in strange time paradox (Nexus).

Data gets an emotion implant.

"It's just as well Mr Kirk wore that toupee or we would have had two baldies fighting that well be coiffured bad guy."

"Whoopee Goldberg, you babe in a tall flat hat. I would like to take you home with me... yum yum..."

"I like to think of myself as a well balanced, racially tolerant, sexually supportive, citizen. But if I ever did see one of those Klingon bitches reading the news I would change channels as fast as my flipper would allow. They are such mingers, anything they said I would believe the absolute opposite."

"Has many instances of that classic Star Trek crashy-wobble we all came to know and love. At least, in this movie, our heroes don't get pinged across the screen, they just manfully wobble until the special effects give up. Bravisimo!"

"Did anyone eat anything in this movie? My dears, you must be starving by now, have a piece of pie."

"How lucky Jean Luc was to be stranded on such a wonderfully sunny planet! It reminded me of Death Valley but with smiles."

"I am whispering this, my dear, because I don't want to be overheard. I have never been able to understand what that nice Captain Picard is saying. I find those plummy English vocals so difficult to understand. Was he the butler? Did he do it? Nobody tells me nuthin."

Kirk dies, Picard survives.

The well coiffured gray hair of the bad guy never gets so much as a mild wind rearrangement.

Walnuts, or any other deformed eating-nuts from the forest which look like the Klingon foreheads.

Sockless. When you get up, assume the 'be careful not to bump your head on the invisible forcefield when you go to get a drink' position.

The amount of phaser-blasting is pleasing. The bad guy does it quite a bit, and the set explodes with gusto when the shots miss our heroes.

Watch out for the moment of planet exploding madness in which a clod of earth pings into the screen. Do not attempt to watch this movie in 3D when the technology becomes available in the home - you could accidentally flip your sofa backwards with shock.

This could well make it into most doggie top ten. Most dogs dream of owners like Captains Kirk and Picard on nights after they have eaten well on rabbit or any of the other small rodents they put in the cans of dog food these days.

Beware: Cats will shriek and run from this movie. In most cat's opinion, Picard reminds them of Ming the Merciless from the old Flash Gordon Cinema series, but without the facial hair.

Animals which like to sleep by hanging upside down from branches, could fall off during this movie, causing concern amongst the other animals sitting underneath them.

Philosophical: Time waits for no man. But make time your buddy and you can walk happily together into the sun set.

A well worn once squeaky doggie chew of the Enterprise.

Watch out for the Nexus, a time wobbly thingie - sounds like a car to us.

The end of Captain Kirk. Sigh! The end of an era.

July 15 , 2002