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Pretty Woman
Studio executives summary / pitch
Richard Gere and the newest, hottest, actress of the moment, Julia Roberts, make the world's women quiver when the bit of rough (Julia) falls for Mr Bastard (Dick). 1990 Hollywood confection perfection.
Short plot summary

Richard Gere plays Edward Lewis, a corporate arbitrageur, who asks directions from a hooker and then falls in love with her. But, hang on a minute, it can't be that simple can it... uhm.. yep...

But, of course, to fill in the time before the end, we get to see how the snobs in Rodeo Drive treat her... yes, our gal can't get served, even though she's got a fist full a'dollar... but hey, thank goodness for that snobby hotel manager who doesn't kick her out when she comes back dressless (ooo er)... thanks solely to the bell boy recognising her... Phew, close one... So, the manager helps her buy her first dress which doesn't include trawler boat waders... and, you knew it all along, she is stunning!

Our gal may be street smart, and rough'n'tough, yet she has a soft fondant filling. If she were a chocolate she would be strawberry creme. And soon Edward has her a'melting...

Surely there is just no way this story could not end happily ever after...

What our panel of critics thought

"I'm not convinced Lewis had an aversion to heights in the first place."

"I went to Hollywood Boulevard once. It gave me the horn."

"This movie had everything people still shocked by late 1980's greed wanted: Nice cars, great suits, corporate arbitrageurs with a heart, and a prostitute who looked like she'd been out trawler fishing for a day job..."

"I just loved watching Jason Alexander being beaten up. It's such a shame Richard Gere had his shirt on when he did it."

"Polo is such a classy sport, apart from the divot thing. Surely rich posh people could afford to employ an immigrant to do that?"

Please tell me the ending.

Vivian decides she doesn't want to stay with Edward so goes home. Edward is told by the kindly hotel manager that the limousine driver took her home the day before. So he goes to her place and they kiss passionately on the fire exit, overcoming the earlier plot point that he was scared of heights (it fades to black before we see him plummeting to his death clutching on to his woman in abject terror...).

Quotable quotes (real)
"Hey man, what's your dream?"
Lewis: "$100 an hour, that's pretty stiff!" Vivian reaches down between his legs "Well no, but it has potential."
"You and me are both similar creatures - we both screw people for money."
If I were to watch this at home how best should I sit?

In the buy, sell, buy, no, buy more, keep buying! BUY! Position of late 1980's stock tradey-arbitrage heaven.

Could this movie be improved with more philosophy on life?

Mean assed arbitrageur falls in love, realises his life doesn't create anything or build anything, so decides to go into business building ships with a recent target. (These ships can then, presumably, get filled with oil and then spill somewhere picturesque. Damn you Lewis you are such a bad dog!)

Does this film stand up to rigorous superficiality testing?

It's a modern fantasy story. All totally superficial, it's far too nice. Julia Roberts just isn't bad assed enough for us...

Would your cat enjoy this movie? Would your dog like it? Other pets?

Once she gets the blond wig off, Julia Roberts has hair most cats will die for. Expected rolls on back and kicking legs in the air throughout.

Dogs only like Richard Gere when he is out running, or is more than slightly sweaty. Whilst there is a moment of wet, in bath, cuddling, the jogging pants are firmly left in the locker room.

Pet Meerkats will be entertained by Edward Lewis's room which has many high points on which to stand to survey the surroundings. They never say no to strawberries and champagne from tall glasses, either.

What can I take from this movie to make me a better person?

It doesn't matter if you don't have a head for heights, once you find that right woman you will be kissing and licking her face while you both stand on outside fire exits before the credits roll...

How much would you pay for a copy of this movie in goods?

A blond wig and trawler boat fishing wader boots set.

Would the soundtrack make you want to put on your dancing shoes?

This soundtrack will have you dancing in the streets. The Wild One, Pretty Woman and other classics.

Is there enough slappy sex in this movie?

No, if slappy porn type sex is whatchawant then this movie is not for you.

However, if moments of in-bath or on-piano moments of Hollywood pash is whatchafter then this is highly recommended.

Other comments

This movie was a smash when it came out. It became a favourite particularly amongst girls/women of a certain age and intelligence - 'if a prostitute can make it then so can I', even though 'making it' means finding the right guy... hmmmm...

Date of review

January 15, 2004

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