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The Fast and the Furious
Studio executives summary / pitch
Cliché macho driving movie, 2001 - Cannonball Run without the humor. Any more testosterone and their balls would stop them getting into their cars.
Short plot summary

Gentile police officer infiltrates truck hijacking underworld operation, its leader is a champion street car racer.

What our panel of critics thought

"Big chested baddie, against lesser big chested police officer who falls for his sister. Honey, been there done it, bought the T-shirt, played the erotic sex game, watched the video of that, wiped it over with Sex and the City!"

"I was just thinking, sister. My boyfriend always finishes so soon, doing the love making thang. How about me trying some of that Nos stuff to speed me up a bit?"

"A veritable smorgasbord of car riding naughtiness. How dare they hold up a street in downtown Hollywood, stopping commerce and free flowing traffic just for the hell of it? The punks!"

"The plot doesn't make much sense, it's like someone in the studio had an idea and then gave someone $38mn to run with it. Some good CGI, but the plot makes no sense really. It's the testosterone and the cars that propels this movie."

"When I was 15 I would have loved this movie."

"Vin Diesel excels in the tough guy, deep voiced muscled way only a guy who looks like a street fighter can do. Some more flowers would have added a certain lacking feminine side."

"The sequence where they run and just miss the train? It reminded me horribly of my last trip to LA when I got lost in that exact spot. I went round in circles for ages looking for the Freeway. (Hope the road works have finished by now, guys.) Never saw a train going that fast either when I was there come to think of it, must have been a slow day."

"Tough guy / ruff guy heaven. The chicks are not too bad either. Shame about the tuna sandwiches which could use some work."

Please tell me the ending or whole plot if necessary

Blond pretty-boy tough-guy Hollywood-type police officer (Brian - Paul Walker) falls for shaved-head thug-type bruise-assured champion street car racer's (Dominic - Vin Diesel) sister.

Dominic fails to realize Brian is a police officer, despite a best friend noisily suspecting this all along.

One night, after a street car race is stopped, Dominic is almost arrested by police, but is rescued by Brian, and thus a friendship begins.

Movie follows the lives of street car racers, with lots of expensive looking CGI effects.

Movie ends with Brian (who reveals his identity so that he can call for medical assistance) allowing Dominic to escape to Mexico after an attempted truck hijacking goes wrong.

Quotable quotes (real)

"I live my life quarter of a mile at a time."

Motor cycle : Crotch rocket

What snack should I eat/drink while watching this movie?

Six pack of Standard Oil and wing nuts.

Alternative casting suggestions
Original Cannonball Run cast.

Burt Reynolds, Dean Martin, Sammy Davis Jr, Roger Moore.

If I were to watch this at home how best should I sit?
In the driving at 140 mph position.
Could this be made into a children's cartoon show?

Yes. The term 'let's skeddadle' would be used extensively.

If a character from this film were to be asked on Jerry Springer what would the heading of the show be?

Car Wars is bitchin man. Let's debate with wrenches.

Is there enough licky love in this film?

It's 13 rating so no blood, a few brief moments of male-chest and upper arm nudity.

One cell phone call which sparks off some rubbing, but director cuts away, frightened to death of losing his PG-13 rating.

Does this film stand up to rigorous reality testing?

Lots of CGI.

The five-car-race is not realistic (normally 2 or 3 max), but the car chases are nicely stylistic.

The plot is the problem. It makes little sense. (Undercover police officer who lets them all get away... ) The movie seems to have been cut and pasted from a studio manual on how to do action movies, but with shed loads of money.

Would your pets enjoy this movie? Would your dog like it? Other pets?

This is a dog movie. Fast and stupid.

Cats may perform a very noisy phantom pregnancy throughout, even the male ones.

Geese may try to sing along to the rapping soundtrack.

Could you make out while watching this movie?

This is a sexy movie. Lots of young flesh to satisfy the most demanding of young flesh connoisseurs.

What can I take from this movie to make me a better person?

If you are an Asian American, son, you are doomed to play the bad guy.

Would this movie win awards for performances of the f-word?

No. A disappointing effort all round.

Does the film attempt technobabble? If so does this succeed?

Yes.

Extensive moments of intense car mechanics mixed with computer generated effects. Not one for the lubricant squeamish, or anyone who panics when the car breaks down. Thankfully no actor attempts a wheel change in the rain.

Other comments

The movie seems to have been created on the fly, which may explain the flaws in the plot.

The plot is nothing but workmanlike, but the CGI is very good in places, and the weather fine.

Date of review

February 20, 2002

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