Studio executives summary / pitch
|
| Cliché
macho driving movie, 2001 - Cannonball Run without the humor. Any more testosterone
and their balls would stop them getting into their cars.
|
Short plot
summary |
|
Gentile police
officer infiltrates truck hijacking underworld operation, its leader is a champion
street car racer. |
What our
panel of critics thought |
"Big chested
baddie, against lesser big chested police officer who falls for his sister. Honey,
been there done it, bought the T-shirt, played the erotic sex game, watched the
video of that, wiped it over with Sex and the City!""I
was just thinking, sister. My boyfriend always finishes so soon, doing the love
making thang. How about me trying some of that Nos stuff to speed me up a bit?""A
veritable smorgasbord of car riding naughtiness. How dare they hold up a street
in downtown Hollywood, stopping commerce and free flowing traffic just for the
hell of it? The punks!""The
plot doesn't make much sense, it's like someone in the studio had an idea and
then gave someone $38mn to run with it. Some good CGI, but the plot makes no sense
really. It's the testosterone and the cars that propels this movie.""When
I was 15 I would have loved this movie.""Vin
Diesel excels in the tough guy, deep voiced muscled way only a guy who looks like
a street fighter can do. Some more flowers would have added a certain lacking
feminine side.""The
sequence where they run and just miss the train? It reminded me horribly of my
last trip to LA when I got lost in that exact spot. I went round in circles for
ages looking for the Freeway. (Hope the road works have finished by now, guys.)
Never saw a train going that fast either when I was there come to think of it,
must have been a slow day." "Tough
guy / ruff guy heaven. The chicks are not too bad either. Shame about the tuna
sandwiches which could use some work." |
Please
tell me the ending or whole plot if necessary
|
| Blond
pretty-boy tough-guy Hollywood-type police officer (Brian
- Paul Walker) falls for shaved-head thug-type bruise-assured champion
street car racer's (Dominic - Vin Diesel) sister. Dominic
fails to realize Brian is a police officer, despite a best friend noisily suspecting
this all along. One
night, after a street car race is stopped, Dominic is almost arrested by police,
but is rescued by Brian, and thus a friendship begins. Movie
follows the lives of street car racers, with lots of expensive looking CGI effects.
Movie
ends with Brian (who reveals his identity so that he can call for medical assistance)
allowing Dominic to escape to Mexico after an attempted truck hijacking goes wrong. |
Quotable quotes (real) |
|
"I live
my life quarter of a mile at a time." Motor
cycle : Crotch rocket |
What snack
should I eat/drink while watching this movie? |
Six
pack of Standard Oil and wing nuts. |
Alternative
casting suggestions |
|
Original
Cannonball Run cast. Burt
Reynolds, Dean Martin, Sammy Davis Jr, Roger Moore. |
If I were
to watch this at home how best should I sit? |
| In
the driving at 140 mph position. |
Could
this be made into a children's cartoon show?
|
| Yes.
The term 'let's skeddadle' would be used extensively. |
If
a character from this film were to be asked on Jerry Springer what would the heading
of the show be? |
|
Car Wars is
bitchin man. Let's debate with wrenches. |
Is there
enough licky love in this film? |
|
It's 13 rating
so no blood, a few brief moments of male-chest and upper arm nudity. One
cell phone call which sparks off some rubbing, but director cuts away, frightened
to death of losing his PG-13 rating. |
Does this
film stand up to rigorous reality testing? |
Lots
of CGI. The
five-car-race is not realistic (normally 2 or 3 max), but the car chases are nicely
stylistic. The
plot is the problem. It makes little sense. (Undercover police officer who lets
them all get away... ) The movie seems to have been cut and pasted from a studio
manual on how to do action movies, but with shed loads of money. |
Would your
pets enjoy this movie? Would your dog like it? Other pets? |
This
is a dog movie. Fast and stupid. Cats
may perform a very noisy phantom pregnancy throughout, even the male ones.
Geese may try to sing along to the rapping soundtrack. |
Could
you make out while watching this movie?
|
| This
is a sexy movie. Lots of young flesh to satisfy the most demanding of young flesh
connoisseurs. |
What
can I take from this movie to make me a better person? |
| If
you are an Asian American, son, you are doomed to play the bad guy. |
Would this
movie win awards for performances of the f-word? |
| No.
A disappointing effort all round. |
Does the
film attempt technobabble? If so does this succeed? |
Yes. Extensive
moments of intense car mechanics mixed with computer generated effects. Not one
for the lubricant squeamish, or anyone who panics when the car breaks down. Thankfully
no actor attempts a wheel change in the rain. |
Other comments
|
The movie seems
to have been created on the fly, which may explain the flaws in the plot. The
plot is nothing but workmanlike, but the CGI is very good in places, and the weather
fine. |
Date
of review |
| |